Well, it’s been a few days since I’ve written. Consistency with this blog is something I need to improve on. I know this to be true. That’s how you keep readers, after all.. a constant flow of new content.
It’s going to sound like excuses, but I swear that I’m really not defending the lack of enjoyable or entertaining posts. However, the first thing you have to understand about me – if you are wanting to follow my social media – I’m not inconsistent with my posts because I’m lazy or disinterested in writing them. It’s just me falling back into bad habits when things are not particularly going my way. I tend to turn inward when I’m in distress. I’m not naturally an outgoing person. This is especially true when I feel depressed or overwhelmed. Anyone who REALLY knows me in REAL life will tell you this.
Truth is: I spend a lot of time alone. I guess that’s kind of the nature of being an introvert. I genuinely worry sometimes that I’m spending too much time alone. You see, it’s not that I dislike people. I actually do like people, but spending time with people is sometimes very overwhelming and extremely exhausting. I think I find this especially true because my customer support job tends to be emotionally draining. It’s day in and day out of “smiling through the phone”, showing empathy for even the dumbest of predicaments… Having to break bad news and then being treated badly for issues you had no control over. (Even if you don’t take it personally, Ten years of this eventually leaves you feeling some kinda way…)
Needless to say, I’ve come to view even basic “self-care” as protecting myself from the outside world. Kinda like a turtle in a shell. When things get bad. When I’m in a bad place… I have a tendency to pull back. I struggle with depression, like serious REAL needs-medication-depression. So, I kinda fall off the face of the earth A LOT. When you feel worthless or useless… The last thing you need is people agreeing with you. ( read: most of the internet) So, sometimes it’s better to just hang out with your dog. I like to think that he thinks I’m awesome. Which tends to make me the shittiest friend (Blogger) EVER. Sorry. I promise it’s not YOU… it’s totally ME.
Now that I’ve said ALL that… I’m having a bit of a rough time at the moment. There is really just too much going on. It’s not any ONE thing. It’s a bunch of little to big things. Like, for example, missing my favorite Sushi place. It seems like every time I finally find a FAVORITE sushi place ( that also delivers!) I am forced to move due to some crazy disaster or situation that is out of my control. I feel like it’s almost a sign of impending doom to even find a new favorite sushi place at this point… but I love sushi! I know that’s such a silly problem… But it IS actually something I’ve been pondering the last few days… AND it was the only way for me to tie this blog to a stock photo of Sushi.
In wrapping up this hot mess of a post… Let me just add that last night I was having a discussion about motivation and 5-year-plans with my dear friend, Aimee. I really admire Aimee! She’s a go-getter! But she asked me, “What motivates you?” My answer was, “A Nap.” I think she thought I was just being an ass, but the truth is… That’s my state of mind at the moment. I just want a series of long naps. I’m tired.
Until the next post,